i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
