Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
