R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
