Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
