I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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