Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
