I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
