I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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