The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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