and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I am available for nakedness
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
