he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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