There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
