yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
