I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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