I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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