I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't turn off my feet"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
