What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
