Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
