I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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