watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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