So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
