The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize