get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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