get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
