Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the day after is always just damage control
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
