Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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