awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
