I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
