I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
