Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
