The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
