a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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