I can't watch pbs sober anymore
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize