dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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