So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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