WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
