Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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