I will die if light touches me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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