It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize