Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
