Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
