Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
