took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
