She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
