You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
