Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
