It's Friday. Sex?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
