think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
