We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
