I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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