Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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