First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
