shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
