dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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