I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
