i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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