Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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