Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
