So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
