I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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