Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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