ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
