For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
