i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
