ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
