i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
