Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
