the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
