I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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