Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
