I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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