my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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