I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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