I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
