she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
