I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
