im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
