MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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