We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize