Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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