My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize