And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
