When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
