would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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