So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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