tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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