can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
