I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
