note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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