you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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