Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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