let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
