I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
