I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
