office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
