Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
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