I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
