If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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