I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
