Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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