Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think I sprained my soul last night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
