Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
