U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
