i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
