i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
