I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm like, not good at living.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
