i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
