Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
