I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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