i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
