Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
