They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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