I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize