i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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