I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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